Letters To Lucian
by Katheryn Erum
Summary: A collection of letters and journal entries from my OC Corina to my fiancee's OC, Lucian.  I do not own V:TM, I only own my character.  Other peoples characters were used with their permission.
1. April 29, 2009

April 29, 2009

Lucian,

My love. I am sorry I have not contacted you earlier. I can only imagine what you have gone through, the guilt you must feel about our family. I would have, but Father will not allow it. He thinks I am foolhardy, and has subjugated much of my free will with his blood. But he cannot take away my love for you, no matter how much blood he pours down my throat.

I pray for you often, here in my cell. I pray that God will keep you safe. That one day I shall see you again. That one day, I shall be able to show how much I love you.

I will be free again one day, my love. When I am, I will be by your side. When I am, I will never again leave you. Having you taken from me was almost more than I could bear. To spend an eternity of nights without you would be a torture beyond any that Father, or anyone else, could inflict.

I promise you Lucian that I will be with you again.

Yours, with all my love,

Corina


	2. May 12, 2009

May 12, 2009

Lucian,

I dreamed of you. I dreamed we were free, no longer bound to a code or cause, that you were no longer a crusader and instead, were just a man. I was not bound to Father. We were alone, with only ourselves, with no cares, no worries. I awoke every evening in your arms, and the last thing I saw before morning was your smile. We were in love, and it couldn't have been more perfect.

I long for the day that this dream comes true.

Yours, with all my love,

Corina


	3. May 23 2009

May 23, 2009

Lucian,

Darling, has it really been this long? Father has told me of the tasks set before you. I cannot lie, I am sick with fear that you may die. I could not bear the thought of losing you. Please, Lucian, do not fail. I do not know how I could go on without you.

Yours, forever,

Corina


	4. May 27, 2009

May 27, 2009

Lucian,

I heard a song today that made me think of you. The song is titled "It's Been Awhile," by a band called Staind. Probably not the kind of music you listen to, but the lyrics are perfect.

"It's been awhile since I could look at myself straight, and it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry. It's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face, and it's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste.

And everything I can remember, despite the passing time I see, I know it's me. I cannot blame this on my father, he did the best he could for me.

It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high, and it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry."

The second half of the song.

Yours, with all my heart,

Corina


	5. May 29, 2009

May 29, 2009

Lucian,

I do not know why I continue to write these letters. I know you will probably never read them. I suppose it comforts me in some small way; that subconsciously I feel that I am speaking to you. I still remember the sound of your voice. As I sleep, I still dream of you.

Yours,

Corina


	6. June 3, 2009

June 3, 2009

Lucian,

Father has brought me a computer. I have internet connection now, but he monitors my emails. Currently, it is disabled for all but emails to my TA's. However, this small link to the outside world brings me hope.

I read the news sometimes. I saw the video of a cloaked figure running down a hall holding a severed head. Was that you, Lucian? Oh darling, that was too close of a call. Please say that it was not you! It worries me that you must do such things to atone for a sin that you did not commit. Stay safe for me Lucian. Promise me that.

Yours, forevermore,

Corina


	7. June 11, 2009

June 11, 2009

Lucian,

I cannot shake the feeling that you are in grave danger. Please be careful.

Love,

Corina


	8. June 16, 2009

June 16, 2009

Lucian,

Have you disappeared, my love? It has been awhile since Father has brought me any news of you, rumor or otherwise. I pray that you are safe. I dreamt of you last day. You were inside St. Michael's, and all around the Church a sea of fire burned in the night, even through the rain. Surrounding that were other Kindred, pointing and accusing. And behind them, watching all, unable to move or help, I was chained. The fire began to consume the church, and it seemed you were trapped with no way out. I do not know if you died.

I pray that you did not.

Yours, with love,

Corina


	9. June 22, 2009

June 22, 2009

Lucian,

I had that horrible nightmare again. Stay safe, my love.

Yours,

Corina


	10. July 6, 2009

July 6, 2009

Lucian,

I know a conclave happened last night. But what I do not know is what happened to you. I cling to the picture of you in my locket, and the note you left in my room that I carry near to my heart.

Please, my love. Stay safe and wait for me.

Yours, with love and prayers,

Corina


	11. July 15, 2009

July 15, 2009

Lucian,

I have heard no news of you. What happened to you, my love? Are you safe? Are you alive? Do you still love me? I will love you forever.

Yours, with my all,

Corina


	12. July 27, 2009

July 27, 2009

Lucian,

Oh my love. How many months, how many days, since last I saw you? Father has told me naught of you. I fear that the untimely end we both predicted has befallen you, but I will not abandon hope that I may yet see you again. Father says I may soon be released, that soon it may be safe enough for me to return. I pray that I will find you safe when I do.

I fear that I will be lost without you Lucian. I can only hope that the code of the

Order will guide me. I have been studying it. I want to make you proud.

Yours, as always,

Corina


	13. August 6, 2009

August 6, 2009

Lucian,

Sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me sane down here is the thought of seeing you again. I pray that I will.

Yours, with love,

Corina


	14. August 12, 2009

August 12, 2009

Lucian,

Still no news of you. I'm so worried. I cling to the note you left me and your picture. Please, please, still be alive. Please tell me you've waited for me.

Yours, as always,

Corina


	15. August 15, 2009

August 15, 2009

Lucian,

I don't know if you're alive or dead, or if you'll ever read this. I heard that the last time anyone saw you, you were going alone to meet the Justicar and fulfill your bloodhunt. I will not give up hope that you still walk this earth, for the thought that I will see you again drives me ever onwards. As a knight of the Order, I know that all I do should be in service to the Camarilla and its members, but I think that we both know that all that I do, I do for you. I will take up your mantle as champion of the Camarilla, Lucian. No one will forget you or what you have done, least of all I. You deserve nothing less than that.

Yours, with all my heart,

Corina


	16. September 3, 2009

September 3, 2009

Lucian,

Soon now, my love. Soon I will return. No one in the domain besides you will know of my feelings for you. I know you are not gone, Lucian. I can feel you; I know you are out there somewhere. One day, I will find you again. Until then, my feelings are my own.

I will do my very best to uphold the edicts of our Order. I will make you proud. There are still some in the domain who owe me favors. I will take full advantage of that, and learn all I can from them. Strength is given in our clan, but from them I can learn speed. Shadows are our domain, but from them, I can learn to see through the darkness. I will not waste those talents.

If only I knew where you were, Lucian. My heart aches without you near me. I can only pray that someday soon I will be with you again.

Yours, with all my soul,

Corina


	17. September 12, 2009

September 12, 2009

Lucian,

Tomorrow my darling, I make my reappearance in the domain. None will know of me until I choose to allow them that knowledge. And certainly, none will call me by name. That honor, that privilege, is reserved for you and you alone. None in the city have earned that right. I will only be known as Dr. Dragomir. Not even dear Nikita, if she still lives, can claim to have that privilege.

I will be a shadow, a mystery, even to our own clan. I will out the betrayers, the traitors to the Camarilla, the diablerists, infernalists. All of them will be punished for their sins, in time. I will start with our family, and move on from there. To my knowledge, there are several in our clan, though I know not specifically who, that need to be brought to justice for betraying the Camarilla. And I will bring them to their judgment, as is my duty now. The Camarilla will safeguarded. I will be the martyr in you place.

Please, still be alive.

Yours, with prayer,

Corina


	18. September 19, 2009

September 19, 2009

Lucian,

Oh love, what a world we live in. I have been re-acknowledged, though I fear Ronin wishes me dead. I do not blame him, but I do fear.

Mathias, my brother, is to become the Seneschal. That means that I am to be Primogen, the position you hoped I would take and the position I never wanted.

I feel so lost Lucian. But more than that, I feel…alone.

Please, if you are alive, find me.

Yours, with my all,

Corina


	19. September 23, 2009

September 23, 2009

Lucian,

As I write this letter, I feel as though you are with me still. It comforts me and helps to shake off my fear that Father will discover you still live. My worst fear is that, if he does, he will try to stop me seeing you. Now that I know you still live, I could not bear it. I thought I lost you once. I could not go through that agony again.

I wish I could spend all my time with you, my love. If only you knew how much I have longed for you, how often I've dreamt of you. How I spent my nights fearing I would never see you again, yet hoping against hope that I would. Seeing you was like seeing a sunrise again; all I felt was pure awe and undeniable joy. Knowing you are alive gives me hope, strength, and conviction.

I no longer feel so lost and alone.

Yours, with all my love,

Corina


	20. September 24, 2009

September 24, 2009

Lucian,

What is heartbreak? What is loss? In a temple in Japan, there is a poem titled "Loss" carved into the stone. It had three words, but the poet scratched them out. You cannot read Loss; you can only feel it.

I did not know the gravity of this until I thought I lost you.

My whole reason for existing was to be with you. After they took you away before the fight, I though I would see you again. After I heard what happened later, I thought you were dead; I though you went somewhere dark where I could not follow. It was then, down in my room, that I knew what heartbreak was. It was then, curled on my bed and feeling like half of me was missing, that I knew what loss was. Nights blended into each other, seamlessly merging into one long, painful existence. Being awake was torture; being asleep was worse. When I dreamed, you were there. Returning to reality was like losing you all over again.

My mind began to crumble.

I hid the shattering of my soul behind a façade of logic and reason. I knew that without you I could not be whole, nor did I wish to be. I allowed my cold, logical half to control my actions, shielding my fragile emotional core from everyone. Returning to life with other Kindred took more effort from me than I thought I could muster. I was haunted by your presence. As I walked alone, I heard light footsteps behind me and swore it was you, only to turn to an empty space. More than once, I thought I caught your scent wafting by me, though I knew I was all alone. Cracks appeared in my mind.

Our family provided me with some comfort. I bonded with one of them, taking him under my wing, teaching him and counseling him; just as you once counseled me. He, at least, was a diversion, something to focus one to keep my fragile pieces from drifting apart. A dear friend I thought lost returned. Seeing him alive helped hold me together and gave me hope. And then what I had thought impossible happened.

I saw you.

But the question is: have I lost touch with reality so much that I imagined you out of loss and sorrow and madness? Or are you real, proving that I'm not going insane or fracturing apart? Please, answer me. But if you cannot answer that, answer this: do you love me?

Because, even if you are just a phantom, I still desperately love you.

Yours, with all my soul,

Corina


	21. September 28, 2009

September 28, 2009

Lucian,

I think I truly will go insane, if I am not already. I told Ghost my fears, and his response showed me how much he has grown. "If this dream makes you feel better, why not allow yourself the pleasure?"

OGR has called for a censure to cast me out of Primogency. Not that it will be a problem, but still. I will have the votes, 6-3. It is an irritation. I also have good reason to suspect that he is spreading rumors that I am blood hunted, which I am not. I'm giving him Patrick for now, it will get both of them out of my hair temporarily and allow me to use Ghost more effectively. On top of that, if Patrick fucks up, it's on OGR, and therefore, I can get rid of him. I'll stick a stake in his back and throw him into a deep dark hole and seal the top.

Last gather was fun though. We were in a gym owned by the Brujah Primogen, Tommy. There was a lot of sparring. I actually decided to play in the end, which was fun. I think I dispelled most of the fear people had been according me by letting loose with the Brujah. Even the Prince, Edge, seemed quite at ease with me. It was nice to feel, if not trusted, accepted.

Ghost sparred with a new Tremere. He actually isn't so stuck up; he was quite personable when I spoke with him afterwards. I think he can be a powerful ally, considering how easily he beat Ghost, and I am sure that he was holding back.

Tommy was impressed by how easily I beat him using Vanish and asked if he could learn from me. As he seems to be much more stable than the rest of the Brujah, I agreed. I can learn from him. I think it will go well.

Alexi, the Ventrue Primogen, has asked for the help of Clan Nosferatu in taking down the Chinese gangs. The violence they are committing is getting out of control. I am going to use my pull at the University to deny student visas to more incoming Chinese, and medical influence to work on getting CDC to crack down on the illegals as the main source of the H1N1 outbreaks. We shall see how that goes.

When am I to see you again, my love? I miss you. I wish you could be here, to prove to everyone that I am not insane. But, even if I am, I take comfort in knowing that you are mine, regardless.

Yours, with my love and prayers,

Corina


	22. October 8, 2009

October 8, 2009

Lucian,

I have the tentative results of the censure. Mostly abstaining, the score, minus my and OGR's votes, is 2-1 for me. So that is one problem I do not have to worry about, at least for awhile.

I am debating requesting the right of destructing over him from the Prince. I believe that the Prince dislikes OGR and will grant the right. I think he hates OGR nearly as much as I do, though whether for personal reasons or simply because he is irritating, I cannot say.

There has been no word yet of Freya. If she returns to the domain, I will try to do all I can to prevent her acknowledgement. I believe she is a traitor to the Camarilla, and as such does not deserve her unlife.

More of my brood-mates have returned to the city. Spencer is back, remember, the one who talked me into "base-jumping" the last time he was in town? He seems to have mellowed out a bit. We shall see.  
>As far as my status as blood-hunted, the regional harpy stated that his research into the matter proved "inconclusive" (I only know this because I listened in on his and Father's conversation) and he suggested taking the matter up with the nearest available Archon from the conclave. Meaning, in short, to go talk to Santini and ask him to remove my name from that list.<p>

I wish you were around more, my love. I desperately wish for your presence. Ghost and Rodney's comfort can only do so much.

Yours, faithfully,

Corina


	23. October 13, 2009

October 13, 2009

Lucian,

The results of the censure were exactly as I thought. 2-1, with four abstained, to me. I am still Primogen. I asked the Prince for right of destruction over OGR and Patrick. He granted both, on the stipulation that if I kill Patrick before he repays the boons he owes the Prince and his childe, that I teach them Obfuscate in his stead. I am more than happy to teach the Prince in exchange for removing such an annoyance.

The Prince's coronation was this past gather as well. We held it at Valhalla. Nikita wrote a vow for the Prince. He read it, swearing to CAINE to uphold the Camarilla. To CAINE! And he signed it afterwards! Nikita did not know any better (for which I blame her sire and her youth) and stepped down from Primogency. All in all, it was rather entertaining.

Faithfully yours,

Corina


	24. October 19, 2009

October 19, 2009

Lucian,

As I write this, the Prince reads one of my history books. He seems comfortable and at home in my haven. I cannot say the same for his childe, Domino. She is fidgeting. I think being so far underground frightens her. And the Prince's bodyguard, whose name I cannot remember, is reclining near my desk reading a Latin book.

To explain why they are in my haven:

Urastmus Darling apparently created many child vampires before he was diablerized by them. They attacked us as we gathered at Myskatonic earlier this evening. I was almost destroyed by them as well. I owe my life to Ghost and Rodney for pulling me into the safety of the sewer. The children came seeking Lucas Lee, the Malkavian Primogen. We fought them off, and Spencer followed their retreat, finding that they were sent by a Sabbat pack and that the Prince was their ultimate target.

Upon learning this, I informed Father and Edge. To keep him safe, at further risk to myself, I masked as him and masked him as me. Solomon Payne came up from New Albion to help hunt these children. When it became apparent that no matter what we did they would find the Prince, we decided to take him to the safest place we knew of: one of my Warren havens. I led the three there, and we will be departing tomorrow evening away from the University. I only hope that the others in the domain will be able to put down the Sabbat pack and the children of Darling.

Be careful, my love. Stay underground. Stay safe.

With my love and my prayers,

Corina


	25. November 23, 2009

November 23, 2009

Lucian,

Can you believe it's been one year to the day since I confessed my feelings to you? We've been through so much since then. Blood hunts, accusations of treason, fleeing and fighting for the Camarilla and for our lives. So many things…

And still, I love you. My feelings have not changed. My…"affection" as you once called it, has not dimmed, nor has it disappeared. I still do not know how I would go on without you. Though you are not here at all times, I know you are safe, alive. And I know that one day I will be able to be with you again.

I wish things here were better. I wish you were still up here with me. Well, it is Christmas season soon. Maybe I'll get my wish.

Yours with love,

Corina


	26. November 30, 2009

November 30, 2009

Lucian,

Another anniversary! One year passed since I returned to the domain from New York. Also, one year since we first spoke in length about how I felt. You told me you loved me as a mentor loves a student. But, you also asked why I burdened you with this. Oh my love, I never meant to burden you, I swear. I want only to love you.

It was an accident. I don't know why I fell so in love with you when I first met you. But looking into your eyes my first night at gather, I knew you were what kine affectionately refer to as "the one." The one whom I have given my heart. I will not lie, Lucian; all I do for the domain, for our Order, is for you. You are where my loyalty lies, now and evermore.

I miss you my love. I hope you awaken soon. I want to spend Christmas eve with you.

Yours, with my all,

Corina


	27. December 7, 2009

December 7, 2009

Lucian,

I am sorry I have not written much, my darling. I have had my hands full as Primogen recently. I am starting to get most of our clan under control. There is one who still bothers me, Rodney. I am working on him. He seems to be becoming more and more feral. And OGR is dead. Ghost and I destroyed him.

I have been looking at others for our Order. There is one in our clan, newly come to the city, whom I think would make an exceptional knight. His name is Maxwell; he's a Sabbat hunter. He is intelligent, level-headed, and a strong fighter, dedicated to his cause. I have told him what Ghost and I are; he seemed receptive to the idea.

There are also two others, tarnished souls that I think I can save: Kheldar, the Gangrel who was your friend; and Tommy, the Brujah Primogen. Both are good men who have made a lot of mistakes. But they are trying. We are going to start meeting weekly at St. Michael's to study Latin and Catholicism together. Father Lucky approved of the idea to try and bring them into the Church.

But I fear I have failed you last night. I stood by and watched as five innocent people were killed to save four tarnished souls from the shadow realms. Lucian, one of them was a fifteen year old girl. I felt sick, but I could do nothing to stop it. Kheldar was one of the people in that realm whom we were saving. I sought him out and told him of the sacrifice made for him. He looked sick as well. We went to St. Michael's together and prayed, along with Tommy and Ghost. We also sought out Father Lucky and spoke with him. Then, I went and saw you. I had a fright earlier in the evening and thought you had died. One of the Brujah was taking "spirit photos" that show if there are ghosts in the room. She took a picture of the rosary I laid out for you and our brothers. Over the rosary I swear I saw your face. I had to make sure. But, you were still sleeping peacefully.

Ghost and I are going to start preparing Tommy, Kheldar, and Maxwell as knights. Since you slumber, I have taken up your mantel as Knight Commander.

We also held a domain wide memorial last night to honor our fallen brethren. You and our brothers; Alexander, Mason, Tombstone, and ATC, were honored. I spoke for you five, telling of your sacrifices. I spoke of you, Mason, and Alexander in particular as Knights, how you dedicated yourselves to the Camarilla, and ultimately, gave the most you could for her; your lives. You were remembered honorably. No one said otherwise. I think if they had, Ghost and I would not have been able to control ourselves.

I am trying to continue with your work, Lucian. I believe we are starting to push back the darkness in this domain. Rest well, my love. I hope that when you return, I will have done my job so that you will not have to fight anymore. I wish for that almost as much as I wish to be by your side again.

Yours, evermore,

Corina


	28. December 14, 2009

December 14, 2009

Lucian,

I failed you last night. One of our own, one of our clan, was Sabbat and I didn't even catch them. I lost control of myself in front of the Prince and other officers. I cast suspicion and doubt on my abilities.

My love, I cannot do this on my own. Please, wake up. I need you.

Yours, wishing you were here,

Corina


	29. December 24, 2009

December 24, 2009

Lucian,

It's Christmas again. Well, it's Christmas Eve, anyways. I remember last year so well. We were in the bell tower of St. Michael's. I was thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. Rosemary had; why shouldn't I? But I knew I could never force it out of you. I think, realizing that we would never have that kind of relationship, a part of me that no one but you had seen died that night. That was what I was thinking about. Whether or not you would kiss me. What it would be like if you did. And wondering what you felt when Rosemary kissed you. That's what I couldn't tell you, Lucian. I could not admit those weaknesses to you then. We were doing too much; I did not want to distract you. I regret that so much now. I wish that I could have kissed you, just once.

It's funny to think that you are sleeping only a little ways away from me as I write this, about the same distance away you were then. I wonder, if I were to call your name…would I turn my head away, only to turn back to the same scene from a year ago: you standing above me, looking at me as I cried. Only this time, if I was crying, it would be happiness, not the despair I was feeling then.

I also wonder if I kissed you, whether you would awaken from your slumber, like some backwards version of Sleeping beauty; where instead of the valiant Prince waking the Princess, it would be the other way around.

"All I want for Christmas is you…"

Yours, with all my love,

Corina


	30. January 2, 2010

January 2, 2010

Lucian,

As I write this, I cannot help but continue over my shoulder. I have been warned of a contract on me. I have less than three weeks to find out who hired the assamite and kill them. Oh, dear heart, why must you slumber? I desperately need your help.

The Brujah primogen owes me a major boon for protecting him last gather during assamite attacks. We thought they were random then. Now I think it may have been my warning.

On top of that, Timothy has gone missing from St. Michael's. I'm trying to locate him. He knows too much to be walking around. I need to find him. When I do, I am going to take him down into the catacombs and do what we should have done long ago: give him some answers. I'm going to tell him what killed his family and that when he is old enough that I will offer him the chance at the strength he would need for revenge. I'm going to start educating him in sword fighting. He deserves all I can give him.

Darling Lucian, please wake up. It isn't safe; but I do not think it ever really will be. Besides, it is two years tomorrow since I was embraced, and I'd like to share that with you.

Yours, with love,

Corina


	31. January 6, 2010

January 6, 2010

Lucian,

I'm preparing to knight someone Lucian. My brood-mate, Spencer. I think that, with some training, he will make a fine knight. In addition, he was bloodhunted by Josephus Jackson, making him a perfect candidate. I believe he will do well.

I'm trying to make sure I do the ceremony properly. I know I probably won't do it right; but I am going to try to make it special. Ghost and our family, as well as whomever Spencer wants there, will be witnessing. I hope it goes as well as I am planning.

Still no news on the assamite. I hope that we can find him soon. I do not want to die without you, Lucian.

Yours, with hope,

Corina


	32. January 25, 2010

January 25, 2010

Lucian,

We have not found the assamite. The contract, as far as I know, has gone through. Now I must watch my back more than ever. Also, we destroyed one of the Sabbat packs, the four member down at the docks. I almost lost my face, literally. We got pitted against a tzimisce in it's horrid form. It grabbed my face and melded my bones together. Eventually it got killed, but by that point I was useless. Ronin must have convinced Fender to help me get my face back together, because that next thing I saw was Ronin, Tala, Spencer, and Fender in front of me and a tzimisce scuttling away. I went back to gather and reported to the Prince as ordered and left.

Oh Lucian, my love, my darling. I need your guidance. I do not know how to lead others; I think I am doing well, but I do not know if I am. Please, please, please wake up soon.

Yours, with love,

Corina


	33. February 13, 2010

February 13, 2010

Lucian,

I think I've lost it, my love. I swear I keep hearing your footsteps, you voice. Following me always, yet when I turn you're never there. I'm all alone. Ghost and Spencer don't understand, they can't understand. They don't know. They removed me as Primogen. I said something wrong…I don't even remember, it was like I was sitting next to my body just watching it talk. I'm alone…

Why haven't you come back to me Lucian? You promised…you said you would, that you would be there always, never leave me. Why have you left me all alone?

I keep hearing your voice inside my head. Telling me what to do, what is right and wrong. I think it is good that I am not Primogen. I can do my job better now that I don't have to wade through the bureaucratic bullshit.

Oh Lucian, you abandoned me. Why? Why haven't you come back? Why did you break your promise? Ghost is upset at me, Spencer is upset at me, Father too, and they locked me away…I was bad, I said bad things…

Lucian, you left me all alone. I can't be alone-Ghost will get upset, Spencer will be mad. Why won't you come back to me? Do you still love me?

Please come back.

With all my love,

Corina


	34. February 27, 2010

February 27, 2010

Lucian,

Picking up the pieces is hard. No one trusts me anymore, and if Spencer wasn't Sherriff, I doubt I would get told about Sabbat raids at all. I understand though, after what I did. I took a vow of silence to atone for it. It did make questioning me during the inquisition a little difficult, but it went well and I was re-acknowledged.

I need you here though, my darling. I need guidance. I need love. Come back soon.

Yours, with all my heart,

Corina


	35. March 8, 2010

March 8, 2010

Lucian,

You came back! And Spencer talked with you, so that means I didn't imagine you-I'm not insane, I told them I wasn't, but they wouldn't listen and now they know I was right. You do still love me-otherwise, you wouldn't have sought me out.

Maybe I'm not so alone…

Yours, with my all,

Corina


	36. March 21, 2010

March 21, 2010

Lucian,

I became a Myrmidon today. The Primogen of clan Brujah, Tommy Brown, approached Ghost and I at gather. He actually has two Myrmidons; Chea, of clan Gangrel, and I. Chea is publicly known to be his guard, whereas I am a well kept secret. However, he did get the Harpy to remove both of my negative statuses, so I cannot say that this is not beneficial. And he understands that my duties to the Camarilla and the Order come before him. Tommy is a good man, I feel. He really does help a lot of charities, and he is at St. Michael's quite often. I do feel honored that he chose me as a Myrmidon.

Yours, with my all,

Corina


	37. March 28, 2010

March 28, 2010

Lucian,

I killed a Serpent of the Light today in my duties as a Myrmidon. I get the feeling that I am going to see a lot more fighting now.

We (Tommy and I) also caught the Setite warrior, Remy, breaking the masquerade. Tommy got security tapes containing the footage and we presented them to the Prince. Edge decreed we are to kill Remy. Not this coming week, as it is our family's party, but the week after.

Also, darling, congratulations on your promotion to Knight Errant. I am proud of you, though I cannot honestly say that I am happy about it. Now you'll be in even greater danger, and you'll be away from me even more. It saddens me, I will not lie, but that is our life, and I will not let my personal feelings get in the way of doing my job. As much as I wish I could be with you, I know it cannot happen. Know always, though, that my thoughts, prayers, and love are with you.

Yours, with all my heart and love,

Corina


	38. April 10, 2010

April 10, 2010

Lucian,

Well, tomorrow night is Berlin's party. The Masquerade Ball. I'm going and dressing up, because I want to show my support of my family, but I wish I were not attending. I'd rather be out fighting Sabbat. I'd rather be with you. Though, honestly, I would always rather be with you, no matter the situation.

Oh love, when am I to see you again? I miss you so much. I hope you show up tomorrow, I'll bring an extra mask for you, just in case.

Yours, with love,

Corina


	39. April 18, 2010

April 18, 2010

Lucian,

I won't lie to you, darling, I am terrified of fighting this infernalist. I am less frightened though, because I know you will once again be near. I know I have someone with me that I trust and love. Don't misunderstand, I trust Ghost and Spencer, and I love both of them, but they are my brothers. You are my heart and soul.

I'm also having mixed feelings about you showing yourself at gather. On one hand, I am glad you have been welcomed back and no longer have to hide, but I don't like knowing that the populace knows about you. I feel it only puts a larger target on you back. I accepted long ago that my feelings for you would put me in danger, but I don't think I've ever fully accepted the feeling of you being in danger. Every time you leave to do your duty as a Knight Errant, I am horrified by the thought that I may never see you again. At least when you are here I can help keep you safe.

I hope you will be here more in the future darling.

Yours, with love and prayers,

Corina


	40. April 25, 2010

April 25, 2010

Lucian,

We fought the infernalist Micah tonight. He went down rather quickly; the whole thing seems suspicious. I'm not sure it was really him, but I have no way of knowing other than trusting my instincts. My instincts tell me that we have not seen the last of him.

On a related note, I am now respected by the Prince for executing the killing blow against Micah (if it really was him), so I now hold two positive statuses. Looks like I'm doing well again. For now, anyways, we'll see how long I keep that up.

Ghost has been bothering me lately though. He wants to train our neonates in upholding the masquerade, and that is all well and good, but his methods…he's actively going out and finding serial killers, rapists, etc. and revealing us to them. I don't think its right. He also seems hell-bent on making our newer, more humane neonates distance themselves from their human natures, which is something I will not stand for much longer. And Spencer…he was going on about how our human natures, how holding to human ideals when we are no longer human is idiotic, that we should embrace our more feral sides. He added that we should try to find the balance between the two, but it just didn't seem right for him to say that. It all sounded so Sabbat, so…wrong.

I need you back here Lucian. I need you to help me take care of our family. Please, I can't do this alone.

Yours, with my love and thoughts,

Corina


	41. May 3, 2010

May 3, 2010

Lucian,

I'm so glad that we survived the fight against Spike and the Archfiend. I can't believe you killed him. Finally, our city is a little safer. But I'm worried, Spencer disappeared halfway through and I haven't seen or heard from him since. And Ghost vanished right afterwards too. I don't know where either of the are, and I'm worried. I hope they got out ok.

Yours, with love,

Corina


	42. May 11, 2010

May 11, 2010

Lucian,

So much fighting lately. First, Micah, then Spike the next week, and then the assault on the asylum this past gather. I'm glad they all went well, but still. It's a little excessive.

Korkum did really well in the sewer fight. I think we all did rather well, I believe we got everything that tried to flee our way.

And it was nice to be able to sit and practice the art of conversation with you again. I hardly get to see you, so getting to spend the rest of that night with you was the most precious gift I have gotten in a long, long time. I'm still smiling just thinking about it.

Yours, with lots of love and all my prayers,

Corina


	43. May 17, 2010

May 17, 2010

Lucian,

My love, I am so, so sorry I disappointed you. Of all the things I do, one of my highest priorities is trying to do what will make you proud of me. It's silly, I guess, to want to earn your approval. Maybe it's because I think doing so will make you reciprocate my feelings. I don't know; I'm not going to dive into my own psychology too much. But I think that is the reason, or at least one of them. I never want to see that look on your face again Lucian; it truly broke my heart to see how upset I made you.

All that I am, all that I do, I do to try and make you happy and approving of me. I want you to be proud of me, I crave your approval. Since I know I will never have the relationship with you that I wish, this is my demented way of telling you I love you. Just as before, I will bottle it up and try and express it through my actions. I can only hope you will understand. I can only hope that, one day, you will love me too.

Yours, with my heart and soul,

Corina


	44. May 24, 2010

May 24, 2010

Lucian,

As I curl up before sleep this evening I cannot help but think about what you told me. That I don't need to worry as much. I wanted to believe you, I really did…but then the infernalists showed up. I know that nothing makes you happier than destroying the foul vampires who practice that art, but it does scare me. At least I have you near and know you can take of yourself.

And at least I know you care for me.

Yours, as always,

Corina


	45. June 13, 2010

June 13, 2010

Lucian,

I thought I was scared for you before. I am terrified now. This Heart of Darkness, this quest you and Edge are going on, it's suicide! Please love, don't go. We have so little time together, so little. Must you try and cut it shorter?

I will not let you down if you don't come back Lucian, I will not break apart. But I will not be the same person any longer. I think that if you die, so will the woman that you love. I don't think that I could go on if I didn't shut that part of me away. I'm sorry.

I love you.

Yours, forever,

Corina


	46. July 26, 2010

July 26, 2010

Lucian,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Being a deputy has kept me busy. I'm glad that Gabrielle returned to New Jerusalem. She was one of the first friends I made when I was brought into gather. I'm going to be teaching her to hide.

I'm still worried about you darling. You seem so stressed and worried. It bothers me. I wish you would talk to me about things. We used to have conversations about everything; lately it seems like I have to force you to talk to me. Just open up to me Lucian, share your feelings and thoughts. You will feel better. I promise.

Yours, with love,

Corina


	47. August 1, 2010

August 1, 2010

Lucian,

As this is being written, I am awaiting Father's presence. He is about to poke around in Ghost's mind to see if Ghost was dominated to cut the mooring lines on the ship. I pray that Ghost was dominated, because if he wasn't then I know that the Prince is going to kill him.

I wish you had been there tonight, my love. I had to represent our clan because Hutch was absent. The Prince even noticed. His exact comment was "well, it looks like your family had abandoned you." Lucian, it took all my willpower not to cry.

I hope you never abandon me.

Yours, with my whole being,

Corina


End file.
